Healthy Relationships

A healthy relationship - romantic, or otherwise - usually has these things, both ways:

• Respect - for how you feel, what you want, and your right to say no.
• Trust and honesty - you can believe what the other person tells you, and they can believe you.
• Equality - decisions are made together. Neither person controls the other.
• Support - for your other friendships, family, interests and independence, not instead of them.
• Good communication - you can talk about how you feel, and disagree without it turning into a fight.
• Consent - every time, for everything, from both people.

Consent means agreeing to something freely, because you want to - not because you feel you have to.

• Consent has to be freely given - not because of pressure, guilt, fear, or being talked into it.
• You can change your mind at any time, even partway through, even if you've said yes before.
• Saying yes to one thing isn't saying yes to everything.
• Being in a relationship doesn't mean automatic consent to anything.
• If someone can't freely say no - because they're asleep, unwell, affected by drugs or alcohol, or being pressured - they can't consent.
• You always have the right to say no, and a good partner will respect that without punishing you for it.

These are signs a relationship might not be healthy or safe. One on its own might be worth a conversation - several together, or a pattern that keeps happening, is worth talking to someone you trust about.

• Trying to stop you seeing friends or family, or making it hard to
• Checking your phone, messages or social media without asking
• Getting angry, sulking, or punishing you when you say no
• Put-downs, criticism, or making you feel bad about yourself
• Controlling your money or NDIS funding
• Threats - to hurt you, themselves, or to end the relationship if you don't do what they want
• Any physical force, or fear of the other person
• Pressuring you into anything sexual you don't want

None of these are your fault, and they're not a normal part of a relationship - no matter what anyone tells you.

• Say how you feel, using "I feel..." rather than blame
• Really listen when the other person is talking, not just waiting for your turn
• It's okay to disagree - healthy couples still argue sometimes, respectfully
• Take a break if a conversation gets too heated, and come back to it later
• Ask before assuming - check in rather than guessing what someone means

• Trust your gut - if something feels wrong, it's worth talking to someone about, even if you can't explain exactly why
• Keep your own friends, interests, money and ID - a healthy relationship doesn't need you to give these up
• Tell someone you trust when you start seeing someone new
• Never feel pressured to share passwords, private photos, or your location
• If you meet someone online, get to know them for a while first, and meet in a public place with someone else knowing where you are
• A paid support worker or provider is never allowed to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone they support - that's a serious breach, and reportable

• 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732: domestic, family and sexual violence counselling and support, 24/7
• Lifeline, 13 11 14: 24/7 crisis support for any kind of personal crisis
• National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline, 1800 880 052: for abuse, neglect or exploitation by a support worker or provider
• NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission, 1800 035 544: to report a problem with an NDIS provider or worker
• Your GP, a counsellor, or a trusted family member or friend

See the full list on Who Can Help Me? for more services and phone numbers.